Fractured Moonlight
by freedomatthesea
Summary: It was her choice to dive into the ocean. It had always been her choice to live by the ocean. It had never been her choice to be landlocked in the desert. It was her choice to decide if the ocean was where she belonged.


_Looking up from underneath  
Fractured moonlight on the sea  
Reflections still look the same to me  
As before I went under_

Emma leaned heavily against the railing along the side of the Jolly Roger, looking out over the vast expanse of ocean as far as she could see in every direction. They were almost home. While she could have been beneath deck, celebrating with the others, she opted to stay up top, feigning a headache. It was more like heartache, however. She was conflicted, about everything. She was supposed to be happy – they had rescued Henry. But with rescuing Henry they found Neal and he was alive and maybe there was a chance, but then there was Hook and that was… They jury was still out on what _he_ was to her.

Everyone knew that she'd kissed the pirate back in Neverland and she was certain that knowledge was what led her mother to give her a very serious look when she left the pseudo-celebration below deck; because the only other person who hadn't attended was Hook, because someone had to man the helm after all.

While subconsciously _maybe_ she just wanted to be nearer to where Hook was, she had convinced herself and everyone else that the ocean air would help with her headache. If she kept telling herself that, it was bound to be true eventually. The ocean had always been a source of understanding for her. She always tried to live near it, finding comfort in being able to go down to the docks and just listen to the ocean lapping against the sides and breathing in the cool salty breeze. The only time she hadn't lived near the ocean, was when she was in Arizona, in jail. The hottest, driest, time of her life.

She was relieved that Neal was alive, but relief didn't wash away the past, especially not in the way he seemed to expect it to. She gave him the benefit of the doubt, he _had_ almost died and he was concerned about their son, and maybe he had the right to be a little pissed off about Hook, but he sure as hell didn't have the right to act like nothing ever happened between them that should make her more than a little cautious around him. Eleven years of keeping herself at an arm's length from _everyone_, missing out on Henry's life because she had _no one_, and foolishly waiting for their Tallahassee for two years, while he was off finding it with someone else, gave _her_ the right to feel however she damn well wanted to feel.

Conflicted - that was how she felt - and mildly pissed off.

Emma glanced over her shoulder to where Hook stood at the helm. He had been silent all the while she'd been on deck, letting her just exist. That was something he'd always done for her. Sure, he was flirty and infuriating, and most of the time he made her want to slap his stupid smirk, but he always let it be _her_ choice. Always the gentleman.

She looked back out over the ocean again, willing the breeze to give her the answers that she needed. She needed to make the decision _before_ they got to Storybrooke, before everyone in town started pressuring her one way or the other, and before something else happened that would just make her put it off longer.

Emma headed up onto the upper deck, to where the helm was, approaching Hook with a tentative smile on her lips.

"Feeling better?" He questioned, brows creasing together as he met her gaze.

Confusion crossed her expression for a brief second, before she realized she'd come up top to get rid of a headache. "Yeah." She said rather lamely, biting down on her bottom lip as she stepped closer. "It's all gone now."

"You should go back down then. I'm sure they're worried about you." Hook sighed heavily, tearing his gaze away from her then, focusing on the helm. "I'm sure Henry would like to spend time with his parents."

Emma sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging under the weight of his words. "I really don't think I can handle everyone else right now. Especially… _well_." She crossed her arms across her chest as a breeze blew over the deck, making goosebumps form on her arms.

"Not one for reunions are you?" Hook drawled out as he locked the helm into place, stepping back from the wheel. He turned to face her, his eyes flickering over her bear arms. "Here." He stripped his leather coat off, draping it around her arms.

Emma's heart beat faster, hyperaware of just how close the pirate was to her. She had kept distance between them since the kiss, because she didn't trust herself. She trusted him, surprisingly; he hadn't tried to push for more. In fact, she was fairly certain he hadn't expected her to kiss him at all, but something inside of her snapped in that moment and well… It happened.

"Don't want you catching a cold, love." He added, his gaze dropping to her lips. "Sorry." Hook pulled away, turning away from her.

She opened her mouth to say something, to explain what this was and how she felt about it all. But words had never been her forte. That kiss was supposed to be a onetime thing, but having him that close again, remembering how everything inside of her came to life, made her want to go back on what she'd said. Kissing Hook had felt a lot like drowning. The sensations completely enveloping her, pushing her down beneath the waves of reason, forcing the air right out of her lungs.

She knew what drowning felt like now, both literally and figuratively. Drowning, in hindsight, had actually felt like relief. For once she had let go of everything, falling freely through the water, sinking deeper and deeper. The ocean had always been part of her life, in the darkness of that moment it seemed a fitting way for it all to end.

"Wait." Emma said, moving quickly to catch ahold of his arm, pulling him back towards her. Much like the first kiss, the second wasn't exactly planned out. She planted her hands on his shoulders, rising up on her toes to catch his lips. He responded just as quickly as before, though this time without as much hesitance. His arm curled around her waist, his hand resting, tangled in her hair.

It was peaceful in the deep, the ocean surrounding her completely, dragging her beneath the waves. Killian _was_ the ocean. His eyes were the color of the bluest sea, his lips tasted of the salty water droplets that traveled in the sea breeze, he ebbed and flowed towards her, but it had always been her choice. She could give herself to the sea. _Completely_.


End file.
